Give me serenity

 

I know I'm walking a fine line now.
Waiting for a chance.
To act before thinking.
I also know that one tiny little thing could blow up.
All because of my kindness is a sing of weakness.
All because I'll have lost control.
I fear this road I'm walking.
I just have to hope that I've learned enough over the years to help me cope.
To recognize the trouble and to be able to stop it.
So many years ago, I never knew why.
Why I was never able to even think.
I didn't know what was wrong.
Now that I do, I hope to be able to fight it.
And now living with this.
I now live with this.
Was a learned that started more than 20 years ago.
It may never go away...
I'd love to get to the root.
I feel physically affects how I feel emotionally.
I feel my body failing me.
Day in and day out.
The healthcare system is also failing me.
And that's quite a strain.
There are very bad days.
Such as today.
Where I just keep crying.
I am tired of being me.
Tired of not being able to do what healthy people take for granted.
I start to think the worst.
About dying.
I can't handle getting worse than I already am.
I don't feel emotionally strong enough to feel any worse.
Losing control of my body is scaring me.
It's tearing me apart.
It's breaking me when I'm open.
And you won't put up with my crap.

 

 

Highway Dreams

Life is empty without love, it’s sad to think if the one you love doesn’t feel as much as you’re feeling. I’ve been in this state for months now, I don’t really like this feeling. I try not to think it. I’ve been deluding myself that we could have more. I guess I’m selfish because I want more from him. I want he love me the way that I love him. But I guess sometimes life is not like that cause I might like one thing and you like another thing so we’re always running at the opposite end. I don’t want to keep on feeling this way, to keep missing at odd moments and to keep hoping for things that could have been. I just wish to accept what we are and hopefully find you, my love, always in the horizon.