Since I Don't Have You

Are you happy now?
Talking, thinking, 
going through it and doing all.
Gazing into the mirror, 
always thinking of who I see.
The reflection before me.
I know our lives have changed.
A little bit harder in our individual spheres.
I understand that you don't love me.
Accepting the reality 
that your love doesn't reside 
in your heart for me. 
It just hurts me so much.
I don't want it weren't true.

 

Before you arrived, 

I was calm and at ease.
Why shatter my tranquility, 

just to tease?
You toy with my emotions, 

as if my heart were steel,
Unlike yours, resilient and unable to feel.

I knew it the first time you said it.
Still you insist on saying it over and over
Could you stop 
before my heart shatters completely?
I'll sacrifice my own happiness 
to try to lie to myself and others
Into believing that you still love me 
like I love you.

I love you without flinching.
Knowing I'm going to hear
It echo and then fade.
With you standing
Awkwardly on the other end.
Knowing you don't feel the same.
I want to leave this hell behind 
before it finishes killing me.
If only I wish I could let go of the past.
As easily as I let go of the present...

I love you deeply.
I’ve loved you for so long.
And that’s when things started to go wrong
Now, I’ve laid my soul bared to you.
You told me that you wanted this honesty.
So that’s the tale of my love for you.
That through my soul, deep and blue.
From passion's fire to a bitter fate,
My love for you so true, has turned into escape.

 

Hmm, I think it says enough... I was thinking about something today, around emotions and feelings... And yes, I've come to figured some things. Some of them made me feel so hopeless, that sometimes I really cannot control myself. I can't control about my thoughts. That I can stop thinking about You!
I figured that no matter what, I will always feel that way inside of me, persistent melancholy will always reside within me, that lingering sadness, because, it's an inseparable part of my being. Even if I won't always be aware of it, the sadness remains, an indelible mark on my soul. It is still there... 
*sigh* Nevermind... I have figured a lot of things about myself today. ...And some of them... I wish I didn't...

This is different from what I normally write. I have a hard time with this style. I don't even know if it makes sense...

P.S: ...I lament that you were denied genuine love, 

leading to your cruelty. 

How many times do I have to say that I'm fine, 

before you truly believe it?